Reverb 2010- Moment

Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).

For some reason I was stressing over this blog prompt all day.  I couldn't figure out which moment I wanted to write about.  But I just reread the prompt, and it was which moment did I feel most alive this year.  For me, that moment would have to be walking through the finish line for the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer, and participating in the closing ceremonies.  The last half mile of the walk, was so exciting.  People were cheering us on, saying "only a few more steps!!", and there were signs saying mile 39, which meant we were done.  Walking onto the pier was insane.  There were people hugging their friends and family, people registering for next years walk, people sitting and resting their feet, and lots of beer being drank.  I remember thinking "where can I get beer" and "note to self: next year bring drinks for the end of the walk" (maybe alcoholic should have been my word for 2010).  

After sitting for about thirty minutes, the closing ceremonies started.  There were hundreds of us lining up, getting ready to walk down the pier.  At the front of the line were all the women who have survived Breast Cancer.  Their shirts were pink, and it had "survivor" on the back of it.  When I saw how many women there were, wearing these survivor shirts, I had chills all over my body.  Seeing all of the women reminded me about why I was doing the walk.

All the walkers walked towards the end of the pier, where there was a large stage.  There were a few speakers, giving their stories about how they overcame Breast Cancer.  We were standing on concrete, bunched together.  The sun was beating down on us.  It was so hot, and all I could think about was drinking lots and lots of water to cool down.  I think one of the girls standing next to me felt the same way, she ended up fainting.  Thankfully she was fine.  Everyone helped her up, and people were giving her water to drink.  

After a few survivors spoke, Avon showed us where all the money was going.  We were able to see the checks, and hear how much money each hospital or clinic was receiving.  While listening to how much each place got, I realized that my money was going somewhere important.  In that instant, I knew I was going to be doing this walk again next year, as well as the year after that and the year after that.  I have been sucked into the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer.  Once the ceremony was done, I started walking back towards my aunt and uncle with my mom.  I ended up loosing her, but I knew where I was headed.  I walked straight over to the registration table, and signed up for next year.  They gave me a pretty purple shirt, and a sticker saying that I was number 786 to sign up for 2011.  

For those of you wondering, there is 289 days left until the next walk!!!

Reverb 2010- Writing

Writing. What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it? 

I had a really tough time trying to come up with an answer to this question, what do I do each day that doesn't contribute to my writing?  At first I was going to write about watching trashy TV shows, but some of them do give me ideas for my writing.  I kept thinking, and I finally came up with shopping.  I don't do this everyday, but I think I shop often enough to put me in debt at the age of 23.  Every few weeks I will buy myself a new pair of shoes.  After the shoes come the new dresses or shirts or leggings.  At the moment of purchase, I always have a great reason to spend money, but looking at my bank account has proven me wrong. 

During the summer, I was trying to organize my closet.  I have absolutely no more room for new shoes, but there is no way I can stop buying them.  I began to think about starting a blog about my shoes.  You may be laughing, but I have some pretty shoes that should be shown off!  I wasn't really sure how I was going to write my shoe blog, but I have a feeling it would have been mostly filled with pictures.  In the end I decided against it, thinking that I would be buying more shoes just for the blog, and ending up with negative numbers in my bank account.  So now here comes the real question, can I eliminate this in 2011?  I know that there is no way I will stop buying shoes, but I should try to shop for designer shoes at discount prices or wait until some of my obsessions go on sale.  The other day I walked through the 8th floor in Saks Fifth Avenue, and I realized that some of the shoes were amazing enough for me to spend up to $500.  I promise that in 2011 I will control my shopping, and hopefully save money instead of spending it so quickly.  

Reverb 2010- One Word

My good friend and blogger, Sara, sent me a link, http://www.reverb10.com/.  She sent me the link a few weeks ago, but with the end of the semester, I did not have much time to actually see what it was.  The website began in December of 2009.  Each day of December, the creator and a few other bloggers, post a prompt to make other bloggers think about the past year.  Some of the questions are easy to answer, and some of the questions make you really think about what happened in the past twelve months.  For the next 31 days I will be answering the questions that have been posted on this website.  I am hoping you will share your answers with me too!!

One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?

Busy.  The year of 2010 was a very busy one for me.  The year was consumed with my grad program, working for my parents, babysitting, parties and socializing.  It felt like almost every night I had something to do, and my weekends got booked up weeks in advance.  As hectic as it was, I loved every minute of it.  I spent an insane amount of time with best friends, being silly and drinking wine (I guess another word I could use to describe 2010 was wino).  Before this year, I loved splitting my time between going out to see friends and staying in, watching movies, especially in the winter.  Now if I have a few hours of free time, I have no idea what to do with myself.  I get bored sitting around watching movies and T.V.  Hopefully I will relearn how to relax, and enjoy my downtime again.

As for 2011, the one word that will capture the year will be "celebration".  I will be attending three weddings next year, and I am excited for everyone of them.  The first wedding I have, in June, is for one of my best friends from college.  I am going to be a bridesmaid along with nine other amazing girls.  The second wedding I have is for my cousin, and he is getting married in Narragansett, Rhode Island.  As most of you know, Narragansett is 5 minutes from URI.  It will be great to be around all my family in a place that is so beautiful and homey to me.  The wedding is also the day before my birthday, so I will be able to celebrate turning 24 will my family.  My third wedding that I will be attending is for a good friend from Camp Lindenmere.  I remember the summer she first started dating her now fiance, and eight years later they are getting married.  Congratulations to all of my friends and family who are getting married in 2011.  It will be the year to celebrate, so enjoy every minute of it.  

Another reason why 2011 will be a celebration is because I will be graduating from Montclair University.  Anyone who has spoken to me about grad school knows that I absolutely hate my school, and I cannot wait to be done!!  I have one semester left student teaching, and then I will be graduated.  I will receive my Masters in Teaching for preschool through third grade, and special education.  Let the job search begin!! (Hopefully I will be able to celebrate finding a big-girl job).

So what is the one word that summarizes 2010 for you?  Why did you choose that word, and what is the one word you hope describes 2011? 

The Life of a Quiet Person

I've always been a quiet person.  I am always nervous of saying something and offending people, or saying something and having people think I'm crazy.  Because of this, I have learned to bite my tongue.  When there is something I want to say, I usually swallow the information, and forget about it.  Sometimes I do put my "two cents" in, but only if I find it really important of if I know it will make someone laugh.  This has usually worked for me.  I have learned that if you are quiet enough, people will forget you're there, and just talk freely.  They will also say what is on their mind, and not ask for input.  I used to pride myself on being able to blend in so well.  People would never remember I was there, and they usually didn't ask for my opinion.  I was able to think about my comments and keep them to myself.

Sometimes this is all fine and dandy for me, but sometimes it sucks.  There are the few occasions when I have something to say, and for some reason people will always talk over me.  They won't realize I'm talking, or they will think that their news/information is more important.  Or maybe they want to talk to someone else besides me.  I find this happening more and more with my friends.  I am not sure why, but I feel like I get ignored a lot.  When this happens, I become even more quiet, and just stop talking all together.  What is the point of talking if no one is going to listen?  So in 2011, my resolution is to do more listening, and do less talking.  

Riding The Bull

I have five more months left in graduate school, and I honestly have NO idea what I want to do afterwards.  All my friends know what they want to do with their lives, and are moving ahead.  Most of them are in long term relationships, getting married, finishing graduate school, and have permanent jobs.  The only thing I know about my life is that I am definitely graduating in May.  After that everything is up in the air.  It would be perfect if I could get paid to buy shoes and clothes all day.

Whenever I hang out with my friends, I always feel like I have no exciting stories to tell.  Most of the time my friends do most of the talking, and I love to listen.  But I do know that throughout my life, I have not taken many chances.  It is either because I get too scared or because I am busy second guessing myself, that I just give up.  A few weeks ago I had a girls weekend, and we went out to a country bar.  Some of us attempted to do country dancing, and some of us drank a lot of beer.  Later in the night, some of the girls decided to ride the bull.  All night I had been thinking about the bull, and if I would attempt to ride it.   I really wanted to try, but I was scared of embarrassing myself.  I was able to watch a few people go, including two of my friends.  Some people did not last a long time, some people did go flying off, some people stopped when they were uncomfortable, and everyone had a great time riding.  I was still hesitant until one of my friends started talking about how she wasn't sure if she wanted to ride the bull.  She had done it before, and wasn't sure if she wanted to go again.  I told her that if she went on, I would go after her.  So she went on the bull.  And then I went on the bull.  And then another friend of mine went on the bull.

I can honestly tell you that I had a blast riding the bull, and would totally do it again.  The same weekend I came home and built a desk for my room.  I was originally going to have my brother help me, but I did not have that much time to see him, and I did not want to wait another two weeks for it to built. So I decided to take charge.  I dragged the 50 + pounds of desk up the stairs.  I then figured out how to open the box (which took about 10 minutes alone), and then started working on the desk.  The whole time I was building, I just kept repeating the words my mom said to me, "Are you sure you can do this?  Don't screw up".  I am a very stubborn person.  When I set my mind to something, I usually go through with it (unless I get scared or second guess myself).  I knew I was going to get this desk built.  It took me a few hours, but I succeeded.

After realizing that I was able to ride the bull and build my own desk, I realized that I should stop second guessing everything.  I miss out on life when I'm busy thinking way to much about what it is I want to do.  I also end up regretting things that I don't do.  I've decided I'm going to start going with my gut feeling.  If there is something I really want to do, I will do it.  And if there is something that seems a little challenging, I will remind myself that I can do whatever I put my mind to, and I will succeed.  With this new mentality, I started my application for the Peace Corp two days ago.  I get freaked out thinking about having to leave my friends and family for two years, but then I think about how badly I want to travel.  Cross your fingers everyone, and pray that I get accepted into the Peace Corp!!!

Attempting to Cook

Last Sunday night, I made dinner with two of my friends.  Anyone who has had a two minute conversation with me knows I do not cook.  I don't know how to cook, and I never really thought it was necessary for me to learn.  However, while pretending to make dinner last week, I realized that cooking can be somewhat fun.  The whole idea of putting all the ingredients together, and then getting to eat it afterwards.  Very exciting and yummy.

During dinner, my friend and I discussed how much fun cooking was, and how we should do it more often.  In the spirit of Julie and Julia, we decided that we will cook one day a week.  Within the excitement, someone threw out blogging.  And since we all know how much I love to blog, we decided that this would be our new hobby for the next year!

We have been looking on line for recipes and I bought one of Bethanny Frankel's cookbooks.  At the moment we have found three or four recipes that we would like to try, but we are still trying to find more.  If you know of any dishes that are not too hard to make, and taste very good, please send them my way!  Also, keep your eyes open for my postings on our cooking experiments.  

Happy Birthday Mommy!!

Everyone in my family has birthdays near holidays.  My birthday is the day before July 4th.  My brothers birthday is five days before Halloween (yes I'm counting Halloween as a holiday), my dad's birthday is around Memorial Day weekend, and my mom's is around Thanksgiving.  Out of the four birthdays, my mom's is probably the worst timing.  This year her birthday fell the day right before Thanksgiving.  She had to work all day and then cook all night.  And me being me, I don't help her with the cooking.  I will usually stay up late with her, hang out with her and her girlfriends, drinking wine, and doing minimal cooking (i.e. chopping).  This year I was a bad daughter and did not spend anytime with her all day.  I left for school way before she woke up.  Then I went to a potluck dinner and didn't get back home until midnight.  And since I was so tired, I went up to my room and went to sleep.  To make it up to my mom, this entry will be dedicated to her.

Dear Mom,

Happy birthday!!  Living at home with you for the past year and a half has had its ups and downs.  I love being able to see you everyday.  I love being able to tell you about my days, and what I'm doing in school (even if you don't remember what I say).  I love being able to tell you what I've been doing on my weekends.   However, I hate living with the EZ Ryder you.  Instead of calling to ask how I'm doing, you call to see if I've gone to the post office.  Our mornings are spent filing, and putting credit cards through the machine.  Our shopping and movie times are spent with you on the phone constantly, and me saying "Mom, hurry up!".  Weekends are spent with "I want to do _____ today", when in reality nothing gets done.  It is impossible to make plans with you.  We always decide to do something, and then I spend half my days waiting for you to be ready.  

With that said, even though you are so busy, thank you for being my mom.  Thank you for asking me questions about my days.  Thank you for taking an interest in my friends.  Thank you for making time to do things with me.  And thank you for remembering that I said I wanted to see Promises, Promises, and then getting me tickets for the show!  I know that when I was younger we never really bonded.  I was quiet, and didn't like to tell you things.  I am still nervous to tell you some things since you're so critical, but I know that you are always willing to listen to me.  You are always there to ask me questions, and make sure I have everything figured out.  You are my walking buddy, walking me through life, and walking me through the Avon Walk.  You have taught me how to be a hard worker.  You have taught me how to think rationally.  You have taught me how to be respectful and responsible.  And through our math lessons, you have taught me how NOT to teach my students.  

For your birthday, it is my wish that you will find more time for yourself.  More time to spend with your friends and family.  I also hope you find time to do whatever you enjoy. Even though I said your birthday at the wrong time, you are very lucky to be able to celebrate during Thanksgiving weekend.  You are able to see your family, friends, and Jeremy is home for the long weekend.  Enjoy every minute of it, and take a break from the craziness that is EZ Ryder.

With all my love,

Sammy

Happy Thanksgiving

My two favorite holidays are Thanksgiving and Passover.  Both of these holidays mean something very special to me, and it is not because of the food.  Those two holidays always symbolized a time I got to spend with my cousins, grandparents and aunts and uncles.  As I have gotten older, the holidays have changed.

When I was younger we would all go down to my cousins in Pennsylvania for Thanksgiving dinner.  Every year it would rain on Thanksgiving day.  I remember sitting on those long rides, looking out at the turnpike, gray sky deciding if it was going to pour or just drizzle.  Finally reaching those windy lanes before arriving at my cousins house.  I'm not sure if I was more excited to see my cousins, play on the Pinball machine, play old-school nintendo or Ping Pong (without any beer).  Not having any older siblings, my older cousins would introduce my brother and I to all the latest technology.  

It would always take me a while to warm up with my cousins.  Since we usually got there before everyone else, I always felt very shy, due to the age gap.  I had one cousin who was ten years older than me.  I never knew what to say to her.  I remember always wanting to go up and see her room, thinking how "cool" and grown up it looked.  She also had the attic room, which always impressed me.  Then there were her two younger brothers.  There is a five and seven year difference between us.  The age gap never stopped us from playing, it was only made aware when I was sitting at the kids table, and they were sitting at the grown up table.  

My other cousins were closer in age.  One was the same age as me, and his sister is six years younger.  I always felt more at ease with them.  When they would finally get to the house, I would go and play with them.  The six youngest cousins would all hangout together.  We would start in the family room.  Sometimes watching TV, sometimes playing Pinball.  Somehow our hanging out would always turn into the older cousins against the younger ones (and I was always part of the younger cousins).  We would always get chased, tickled to death, or tossed onto/over a couch.  No matter how much we were tortured, we were constantly laughing.  The younger ones trying to retaliate, and failing.  Trying to run upstairs, only to get attacked upstairs.  Trying to attack the smaller cousin/brother, and having it backfire on us.  

After dinner the rough housing would calm down.  We all became sleepy.  Jeremy and I would change into our pajamas.  The TV would be turned on, and a board game taken out.  Parents came down, saying it was time to go (always meaning we had another fifteen minutes before we actually left, plus there was always ice cream!!).

I would give anything to have another one of those Thanksgiving dinners.  I am so thankful for the memories I have. 

Quote from Chris Cleave

This Saturday, I am going to a book club meeting.  I chose the book for this month: Little Bee.  I am obsessed with this book.  During the few weeks I read the book, my mind was constantly thinking about the plot.  After finishing the book, I continued to think about the novel.  And now that I am reviewing the book, and preparing for book club, I'm ready to reread the book, and see what I missed the first time.

This afternoon, I was reading the Q&A section at the end of the novel.  Not sure who asked the questions, but there was one answer that really stood out to me, and I would like to share it with everyone.  Enjoy, and I hope everyone is encouraged to read Little Bee sometime in the near future. 

In a video on your website you mention that the book is, in some way, about "the horror of being alive in a world where atrocities happen."  Are there particular human rights issues you'd like to take this opportunity to call attention to?  In the face of such monumental tragedy as is exposed in Little Bee, how can one person make a difference?

"I guess I hardly need to call anyone's attention to the reality that there is more horror than happiness in the world.  A billion people are hungry, hundreds of conflicts and wars are ongoing, tens of millions suffer from eradicable diseases, there is always at least one genocide under way somewhere on the planet, more people still live under dictatorship or oppressive regimes than live in free societies, and arms dealers still make more money than farmers.  Of course individuals can make a difference, but the fact is that evil has had the whip hand in this world ever since Cain.  That doesn't mean we should stop trying to be good, but we shouldn't kid ourselves, either.  Evil is not going to be vanquished.  Our job is to resist it, and to plant the seeds of further resistance so that goodness never entirely vanishes from the universe.  There are degrees of resistance.  It starts when you give a dollar to a homeless person and it escalates to the point where people give their lives, as Gandhi did, or Martin Luther King, Jr.  One person can make a difference by traveling as far along that continuum as they feel able. "

Fundraising Ideas

I know that the Avon Walk is not until October.  Also, my account online has not been activated yet, but I am ready to start collecting (actually I'm ready to have some fun and raise money)!  I've been busy thinking of different ways I can raise money, and I'm starting to get a few ideas.  Let me know which ones appeal to you.

1. Wine & Cheese night- I'll provide the cheese and other snacks.  Everyone will bring a bottle of wine to share with everyone (or if you're like me and my friends, we will each need 2 bottles). 

2. Cooking Lessons- I promise I will not be giving the lessons!!!  I have two ideas for this event.  The first idea is to hire someone to teach us how to cook some recipes.  I will provide the ingredients, and everyone else can just show up and bring some wine!  The other idea is everyone brings a recipe they want to try, or know how to cook already.  We can teach each other how to make each recipe.  After we get to eat all the yummy food we made!  

3. Collect Pennies- I find myself collecting many pennies.  I feel like I never know what to do with them, but now I have a use.  For the next year, I will be putting aside all my pennies.  In September I will count up how much money I have saved, and send that amount in.  I urge all of you to save your pennies as well.  What else are you going to do with them?

4. Book Sale- I took this idea from the Avon website.  I will collect all the books you guys don't want anymore.  I will take them and attempt to sell them online.  Whatever money I receive, I will send to Avon.  So start cleaning out your bookcases!!

5. Host a Bar-tender- My family is very close with the owner of a sushi restaurant near our house.  I was thinking that maybe he will allow me to find a bar-tender to work for an evening.  Part of the tips the bar-tender receives will go towards Avon.  

6. Mock Passover Seder/Chocolate Seder- Who doesn't love Passover?  Especially if it's filled with chocolate?  This will be hosted before Passover starts.  It can be a potluck seder. 

This is all I have come up with so far.  If anyone has other ideas, please let me know.  I'm excited to plan all these events!

Throwing away my 10-Year-Plan

I recently just watched the third episode of "My Generation" (you can tell how behind I've been on my DVR).  In those three episodes, I became obsessed.  And then I found out that ABC cancelled the show because viewership was low.  This really bummed me out because they only showed three episodes.  I felt like they barely gave the show a chance to survive!

Anyway, that is not the point of this post.  Watching "My Generation" really made me think about my life and my future.  The show is supposed to be a documentary about a group of nine students.  At the end of their senior year, a film crew comes in to interview the students and see where they want to be in 10 years. The show starts 10 years later.  The viewer is able to see where the students wanted to be versus where they actually were.  

I remember during high school and college always mentally making a ten year plan.  Graduate college by the time I'm 22.  Hopefully find a job a few months after I turn 23.  Move into my own apartment with my best friend while I'm 23.  Get married by XX age (leaving out the part about finding a boyfriend).  I did successfully graduate college by 22, however the rest of my 10 year plan did not work out so well.  Instead of finding a job, I'm now in grad school.  I live at home (and surprisingly love it).  And instead of wanting to be married by XX age, I want to explore the world.  

At the ages of 17 and 22, it seems so hard to create a concrete 10 year plan.  I look back to the Sammy from high school, the Sammy from college, and the Sammy in 2010, and I see major differences.  I have changed so much in the past 7 years.  I am not as shy as I used to be.  I have found friends that will be my friends for the rest of my life, surviving through college and adulthood.  I'm also finally standing up for what I want to do, rather than trying to please my parents.  If I had stuck to any of my 10 year plans I would be miserable.  

If you remember, my first post had a list of 10 things I wanted to do before turning 30.  I wrote that list six months ago, and I already want to change some things on it.  I also know that I cannot do all of that by the time I'm 30 because there are other things I would like to do hopefully in the near future.  Rather than making a 10 year plan, or an 8 year plan, I am going to focus on what I would like to accomplish in general.  It always seemed so hard when coming up with a 10 year plan, because it seemed like I had an outline to follow.  Society has dictated that we graduate college, maybe go to grad school/law school/medical school.  After that find a job, get married, and have children.  Once all this is accomplished, you should have a complete life.  We all know what to put on our plan; everyone choses their own order.  I'm done with this order.  I am stepping out of the box, and finding my own way to a complete life.  

Below I have a revised list of what I would like to accomplish.  Some of the tasks will be difficult, and some will be scary, but I know that with the support of friends and family I will be able to accomplish everything.  

1.  Teach in Africa for a year or two- One reason why I want to go away and teach is because I'm tired of New Jersey, and I'm ready to get away and explore the world.  The second reason why is because it is something I have always wanted to do.  I want to learn about different cultures, beliefs and languages.  I don't want to go there to brainwash them about the "American Way", but rather interact and see what it is they really want and need.  If anyone knows of programs that sends American's to help in schools, please let me know.  I am finding the search to be a little overwhelming!

2. Become a Behavior Specialist- Right now I am in graduate school to become a prek-3rd grade teacher with a degree in special education. I have always loved working with kids, and I am excited to become a teacher.  As I continue through my program, I realized that my teachers do not really address how to handle the behavior of certain students.  This bothers me because I want to help my students as best as I can, rather than get frustrated with them constantly.  I know that this degree will really help when I am in the classroom.

3. Learn Sign Language- In my special education classes, I have realized how important it is to learn sign language. People/students that do not have verbal communication may use sign language to communicate. When I was in elementary school, I learned some sign language, and I thought it was so interesting. I am also in a preschool disabled class at the moment.  We try to teach our students some sign language.  It is amazing to see that students are able to connect words with objects, even when they cannot verbalize it.  I am hoping to take a sign language class in the spring!

4. Start a Non-Profit Organization- I have always wanted to start my own non-profit. I am still not sure what kind of Non-Profit organization I would like to start, but I have been doing some thinking.  Since I love summer and camp, I was thinking about starting a camp program in a low socio-economic area.  The camp would have fun activities, but it would also be educational.  No one wants to be in school during the summer, but it is also important for students to review everything they learned during the school year so they don't fall behind.  I think taking two of my interests, and combing them together would be so much fun, and make me so happy.

5. Continue to do the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer- Okay, so honestly while doing the walk, I kept thinking "I'm never doing this again".  I got a little bored while walking, and the people weren't extremely social, which made me upset.  However, when we got to the closing ceremonies, I realized that I will be doing the Avon walk until I'm in a wheel chair.  Seeing all the survivors and all the money we raised going to places was amazing.  Next year I will be walking in New York, but I plan on traveling with this walk.  I would like to walk in Houston, Boston, Washington DC, Chicago, San Francisco, Santa Barbara, and Charlotte.  I know people in most of those locations, so hopefully they will walk with me, or I will just have a nice visit.  Doing the walk in other cities also allows you to explore.  So where should I go after New York?

6. Continue my Annual BBQ for a Cause- This summer I had a BBQ to raise money for the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer.  While creating the invitations, I realized that I want to keep this going every year.  The proceeds to not always have to go to Avon Breast Cancer, they can go to other places.  I also realized that I want to have two fundraisers a year.  I am planning on having something in January as well!  Whats better than raising money for a good cause, spending time with your friends, meeting new people and getting to drink?? 

7. Be Published- Senior year of college, I took a creative writing class.  I loved it!  It was so much fun to write about whatever, and then to discuss my writing.  After that class ended, I didn't have anyone to edit my work, and give me criticism, so I became frustrated.  However, with this blog, I have started to love writing again.  My goal is to publish either a short story, or maybe even a novel.   Any ideas on what I should write about?

8. Work in Newark Public Schools-  I am currently student teaching in a school in Newark.  I love the school I am in.  I have also spoken to other people in Newark schools, and they are enjoying their time as well.  I would love to work there.  I am ready to dedicate great amounts of my time before and after school, helping students with any problems they have in the classroom.  I would like to be in a school district that appreciates my efforts.  Let's just hope I can find a job there.

So here is my list.  These are the things I would like to do.  These 8 actions will make me happy and feel fulfilled.  What are some things you would like to do with your life?

Happy Birthday J-Kap!!!

Today, October 26, my little brother turns 20.  Since this is the sixth year I have missed his birthday (and he asked real politely), I will write this entry about the wonderful J-Kap.  Throughout our years of growing up together, what I remember most prominent is constantly fighting with my brother.  I honestly do not know how my mother put up with the two of us sometimes.  I guess we owe her a big apology for being such pains in her ass.  

I have many memories of Jeremy and myself.  When you're young, and your parents work full time, you become best friends with your brother or sister.  You may not always love that person, but no matter what, you have someone to play with 24/7.  

I was a little over three years old when my parents brought my brother home from the hospital.  I don't remember if I was thrilled to have a new sibling, but I do know I was not excited about the name they gave him.  I can still remember telling my mom that Jeremy was such a weird name.  Who had ever met a person named Jeremy?  Of course as I got older, I met many boys and men named Jeremy, and I learned to love my brother and his name.  

Growing up, Jeremy and I weren't super close.  We had our own interests.  I enjoyed staying in my room, watching TV and reading.  Jeremy was always out playing sports with his friends.  We would occasionally play with each other, but it would usually end in fighting.  I remember one time in third grade and I had just gotten my retainers.  My orthodontist said I should go home and read a book aloud to practice speaking with the retainers in.  I thought I would read a book to Jeremy.  This ended with me in tears because Jeremy broke one of my headbands.  

That wasn't the only time we had an issue.  Jeremy and I always argued.  If I said one thing, he would say the opposite.  He also thought he was older than me.  This meant that he would try and make me do things for him.  He also had this idea where everything he said was correct, and everything I said was incorrect.  

Jeremy also takes after my dad.  They both love to talk.  Jeremy can go on for hours and hours about nothing.  He enjoys entertaining people.  When he was younger, he would always try to do impressions and make jokes.  We would always tell him that he should be a comedian when he grew up.  I guess over the years I learned how to deal with his constant chatter.  I remember one time I had a friend over.  Jeremy was going on and on about Tortilla scoop chips, and how much he loved them.  My friend was getting so annoyed by his constant talk.  I thought he was pretty amusing, being able to talk about chips for ten minutes.  How many other people can do that?  He definitely has a way with words.  

If you asked me what my number one memory would be of Jeremy and I, my answer would be when he spilled gas all over me.  I want to say I was seven years old, and Jeremy was probably four or five.  We were down in Florida visiting our grandparents.  This was when Grandma Helen still had her very old Mercedes.  One day, we all stopped to get gas.  Jeremy and I decided we wanted to pump the gas.  You know, we were little Jersey kids who never got to pump our own gas.  I was wearing my favorite shirt that day.  It was a white shirt, and in the middle there was a blue square, and a pink heart was inside the square.  I received it for a recent birthday, and I thought I would have it forever.  So my brother and I get out of the car with my mom, we open the gas tank, get the gas started, and put the pump into the tank.  After Jeremy had his turn, he took the pump out of the tank, while STILL holding the "go" button.  The next thing I know, there is Diesel gas all over me: my hair, my shirt, my shorts.  I was drenched.  And I smelled really bad.  Luckily we had another shirt with us that I could change into.  My mom must have washed my shirt hundreds of times, but I couldn't get the smell of Diesel out of my shirt.  This story still cracks my brother and I up when we discuss it. 

Growing up, our parents worked constantly.  I felt like Jeremy and I entertained each other often.  Especially at dinner time.  Jeremy was starting to really get into sports and it was all he could talk about.  During dinners, Jer would constantly quiz me about different sports.  He would name a team, and I would have to say what state they're from.  Or he would name a sport and a state, and I would have to name the team.  Sometimes he got really difficult and he would say players' names and I would have to guess what team they were from.  I think these little games helped me become somewhat interested in sports.  

I honestly thought that writing this entry would be easier, but that's proving to be false.  At the end of the summer I wrote a blog about my brother and me.  We have grown up a lot since our fighting days.  My brother and I may have fought a lot, but I know I would not be the person I am today without him.  I probably wouldn't even know what baseball is, never watch an episode of the Office, or enjoy rap music.  So on your birthday Jeremy, I want to say Happy Birthday, and thank you for being an amazing brother.  I love you and can't wait until you turn 21 in 365 days!!!!

IN IT TO END IT

This past weekend my mom and I walked in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer.  I walked a total of 30 miles and my mom walked the whole 39 miles.  It was quite an accomplishment for us.  When I first joined, I thought to myself that I didn't need to do the whole walk, just as long as I raised money.  Also I could use the training as a way to get in exercise and hopefully loose a few pounds.  Well, I didn't really do any training (I decided to have a social life instead).  I also managed to do most of the walk without too much whining or complaining.  And thank you to everyone who followed my Facebook updates, and sent me messages.  It made me feel really good knowing that you guys remembered the date of the walk, and were interested in how I was doing.  I am also proud to say that my mom and I signed up for next years walk, and we can't wait for it!


Doing the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer was magical, inspiring, emotional and a little tiring.  On Saturday October 16 we started bright and early at 6:45 AM.  After the semester I've been having, I am surprised I was able to function that early on a Saturday morning.  My mom woke me up at 5:30, and the first thing I did was blast some of Lea Michele's songs from Glee.  That got me hyped up, and I started dancing around my room, getting dressed.


We arrived at Pier 84 (the start and finish line) at around 6:30 AM.  There were so many people there!  I don't think I've ever seen so many women dressed in pink at once in my whole life.  4,000 women (and some men) from 46 different states came together that morning to walk in NYC and fight against Breast Cancer.  New York walkers raised a total of 9.5 MILLION dollars.  To all of you who donated to this cause, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart.  During the closing ceremonies we learned where all the money is going.  Below is the break down of what hospitals and programs are receiving money.  You should all feel chills as you read how much money goes to each place, and what the money goes towards.


Not only were the opening and closing ceremonies so emotional, but so was the walk.  We followed the Hudson River and walked up towards Harlem.  It was GORGEOUS!  If anyone is willing to wake up early enough, I highly suggest going for a walk along the Hudson River.  Even though you cannot see the sun rise, you can see the light shimmering off the building of NYC, NJ and the river.  It was so beautiful.  Next year I hope to have a good camera and take pictures.  The first 15 miles went by pretty quickly.  Your immersed in the heart of NYC, and surrounded by so many people.  My mom and I were chit-chatting the whole time, looking at the views, and learning about some parts of the city that we don't venture too.  There are also rest stops every two miles.  They usually have tons of food and provide us with water or gatorade.  There are also cheering stations cheering you on.  They have little songs that they will sing, give out stickers or cookies, and give you high fives.  They always pumped us up.


They gave us lunch at the 10 mile mark, so we ate at about 11 AM.  Yes it was a little early, but it was a nice break.  We could sit for about 20 minutes and relax.  Walkers also had friends and family members meet them at certain points.  They would sneak into a Starbucks or a Dunkin Donuts for a little break.  We did that with my Aunt and Uncle.  The caffeine was definitely needed.


As we continued on, we walked through the village.  This was probably one of the hardest parts for me. We walked up Bleeker Street, so not only were there hundreds of people walking around, but I also had to pass by my stores and couldn't go in!!!  I walked past 2 Marc Jacobs stores, Juicy and Steve Madden.  I was on the verge of tears when my mom told me I wasn't allowed to shop (I had her credit card too!)


I continued on with my mom over the Brooklyn Bridge, and then back over the Manhattan Bridge.  We walked through China Town and up through Kips Bay.  By the time we got to 60-something street I was slowing down.  My feet had horrible blisters, and I was exhausted.  My mom went on without me, and I went one more mile before stopping for the day.  24 miles complete in 9 and a half hours.  Even though it was a lot for me to do, I felt a little guilty for not finishing.  Next year I will do the whole 26 miles on day 1.


Day 2 was okay.  The city was much quieter in the morning, and people were walking a lot slower.  My mom and I got a late start, but caught up to everyone.  I didn't do the whole walk, but my mom did.  The second day wasn't as exciting.  I don't know if it was because we started late, or if it was because people were just tired.  It was still fun walking in the streets of NYC, knowing that every step we took was one step closer to the finish line.  It was great to see that Mile 13 marker, and see the finish line.  I also learned a lesson: have people bring me cold beer at the finish line.  Hundreds of walkers were sitting on the floor, beer bottles in their hands.  It looked so yummy.


During the walk, I kept thinking about if I wanted to do it again next year.  I would definitely raise money again, but did I actually want to do the walk again?  I enjoy sleeping in late, and I would prefer to walk with more friends, not just my mom.  In the end I decided to register for 2011, and not just because it was $10 cheaper, and I got a cool shirt.  I did it for many reasons.  It is so emotional to see all the women in their bright pink shirts that say survivor.  There were at least a hundred women who walked that had survived Breast Cancer.  To think about what they must have went through is scary.  And then to be able to come back and walk this intense walk, is amazing.  Also, along our walk, women in the streets were saying thank you and clapping   for us.  When was the last time you saw someone in the streets doing something pro-active, and you just went up tothem and said thank you or clapped for them?  Every time someone said that to me I wanted to give them a big hug.  Then there is the future for me and you.  Both my grandmothers had breast cancer, and I am sure we all know at least 5 women who have had breast cancer, have it now, or have passed away from it.  As you can see, I reregistered for the all the survivors in their bright pink shirts, for the women on the streets saying thank you to us, and for my future.  I know why I am walking next year, but why aren't you?


P.S. I will be after some of you to join me next year!!!

Young Survival Coalition received $85,000 to support efforts to educate the medical, research and breast cancer communities about the unique needs of breast cancer patients under the age of 40.  

God’s Love We Deliver received $200,000 to provide nutrition education and meals to breast cancer patients and their families. 

The Fund for Public Health New York received $80,000 to support a city-wide study to develop policy and program interventions to improve the quality of breast cancer care and access to services for medically underserved women. 

Roswell Park Alliance Foundation received $130,000 to study whether a specific antigen produced by triple negative breast cancer can be used to create therapies that reduce recurrence rates and improve outcomes in people with this aggressive type of cancer. 

Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center received $300,000 to develop a test panel of genes that can identify breast cancer patients at high risk for metastasis to help determine the aggressiveness of treatment needed.

The Avon Foundation Breast Cancer Center at New York Presbyterian-Columbia University Medical Center – one of eight Avon Breast Centers across the United States – received $1,020,000. The grant will continue to fund care for thousands of underserved women in a state-of-the art mammography center, and will support breast cancer research, clinical trials and imaging fellowships.  

Cancer Care received $1,125,000 to continue its support of the AvonCares program that provides direct financial assistance to more than 40,000 low-income breast cancer patients, reaching women and men in 85% of all U.S. counties and all 50 states. 

 The Avon Foundation Breast Health Outreach Program, the Avon Foundation’s hallmark national breast cancer education and screening program, received $6 million. This grant will support more than 125 community-based groups across the country that will navigate more than 125,000 people into mammography screening and clinical breast exams in 2011, and reach a half million people in outreach awareness efforts and educational encounters. 

Eight grants that further strengthen the Avon Safety Net program in the New York region were also awarded. Avon’s Safety Net currently funds more than 100 hospitals across the country to ensure that all women have access to quality breast cancer services and care, regardless of their insurance status or ability to pay. The grants included:

You Can Thrive Foundation received $70,000 to support access to holistic, complementary and alternative care for low income breast cancer patients. 

Breast Treatment Task Force received $80,000 for patient navigation services. 

Brookdale Hospital Medical Center received $90,000 for a patient navigation program targeting African American and Caribbean American women in Brooklyn. 

Northern Westchester Hospital received $110,000 to provide diagnostic and care navigation for Latina populations. 

Long Island Medical Foundation received $122,000 to support patient navigation in Nassau County. 

Newark Beth Israel Hospital received $125,000 to extend patient navigation in Newark. 

Metropolitan Hospital Center received $150,000 to provide coordinated breast health education, navigation and care in Harlem. 

Avon Safety Net Program at Bellevue Hospital, a program of the NYU Cancer Center and Bellevue Collaborative, received $275,000.

Happy Halloween

Before starting this blog entry, I want to just say that I am so glad everyone enjoyed the poem about teaching!  Every time I hear/read the poem, I get chills, and realize that all these annoying grad classes are eventually going to pay off.  

Now onto this wonderful holiday, Halloween.  I will be completely honest.  At the age of 23, Halloween scares the hell out of me.  Every time I walk into a store/restaurant that is set up for halloween, my heart starts to pound, my stomach goes upside down, and I have to keep my eyes on the ground.  This is the same for when I walk or drive past houses that are decorated scarily for halloween.  

Last year, my friends and I decided that we wanted to go to Salem on Halloween day.  We thought it would be a lot of people really dressed up, having fun and drinking.  Well that is partially how it was.  While the sun was still out, people were just walking around, having fun, and going on tours.  My Halloween anxiety wasn't too bad yet.  I got a little freaked looking at people with face masks or face painting, but I survived.  Then we went through the Haunted House.  This is the moment I lost it.  The clowns, the dark, the smoke, the people jumping out at you.  I still have nightmares about that clown following me around.  And of course once we got out of the Haunted House, the sun was down and random people were jumping into peoples faces, screaming.  I honestly didn't know where to look.  I couldn't decide if I should just close my eyes and have my friends lead me to where ever we were going, or if I should just keep searching for people jumping into faces, and then run away from them.  Luckily my friends were ready to leave Salem at that point because I was having a major freak out.  

The other night I was telling this story to my mom, and I found out that I have always been terrified of people in masks or face painting.  I remember being young and being terrified of clowns.  I honestly do not know how my parents got me to sit through the circus, or visit my grandma (she had clown dolls and statues ALL over her house, hence why I would never sleep over).  When my brother was three and i was 6, my parents took us to the circus.  My brother decided to get his face painted and my mom took me to watch.  All I remember is screaming and crying hysterically.  I still look at pictures of my brother with his face painted and get heart palpitations. 

I also found out why my parents waiting until I was about 10 years old to go to Disney World.  Apparently I couldn't look at people in body costumes.  At the age of 6, I freaked out when I went to a birthday party and there was a Barney there.  Now instead of feeling like a deprived child who had to wait FOREVER to go to Disney, I've realized that I couldn't handle the fun of Disney World.  

Thankfully, this October I am swamped with school work.  I will not have much time to go into Halloween decorated places.  I will also be going trick-or-treating with the kids I used to babysit.  Hopefully that won't be too terrifying for me!  And if anyone has suggestions as to how to not freak out so much during this month, please let me know.

Stressed

These past two weeks, I have been very stressed out with school work.  I have a mid-term tomorrow, and up until 5 minutes ago, I thought I was going to fail it.  On top of that, there is all my reading, lesson planning, observing, journals, as well as regular work.  Needless to say, I have been seriously considering running away.  The other day, as I was driving home from who knows where, I started thinking about a poem that one of my classmates gave me last spring.  This poem is what is getting me through this dreadful month.  For all you teachers out there, I hope you enjoy it!  And all those who believe that anyone can be a teacher, I hope you reconsider.  

What do teachers make?

The dinner guests were sitting around the table discussing life.   One man, a CEO, decided to explain the problem with education. He argued, "What's a kid going to learn from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?" To stress his point he said to another guest; "You're a teacher, Bonnie. Be honest. What do you make?"   Bonnie, who had a reputation for honesty and frankness replied, "You want to know what I make? (She paused for a second, then began...)   "Well, I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could. I make a C+ feel like the Congressional Medal of Honor winner.  I make kids sit through 40 minutes of class time when their parents can't make them sit for 5 without an I Pod, Game Cube, or movie rental.  You want to know what I make?" (She paused again and looked at each and every person at the table.)  I make kids wonder.  I make them question.  I make them apologize and mean it.  I make them have respect and take responsibility for their actions. I teach them to write and then I make them write.  Keyboarding isn't everything.  I make them read, read, read. I make them show all their work in math. They use their God given brain, not the man-made calculator.  I make my students from other countries learn everything they need to know about English while preserving their unique cultural identity.  I make my classroom a place where all my students feel safe.  I make my students stand, placing their hand over their heart to say the Pledge of Allegiance to the Flag, One Nation Under God, because we live in the United States of America.   Finally, I make them understand that if they use the gifts they were given, work hard, and follow their hearts, they can succeed in life.  (Bonnie paused one last time and then continued.)   "Then, when people try to judge me by what I make, with me knowing money isn't everything, I can hold my head up high and pay no attention because they are ignorant. You want to know what I make?  I MAKE A DIFFERENCE. What do you make Mr. CEO?"    His jaw dropped, he went silent.