Happy Birthday J-Kap!!!

Today, October 26, my little brother turns 20.  Since this is the sixth year I have missed his birthday (and he asked real politely), I will write this entry about the wonderful J-Kap.  Throughout our years of growing up together, what I remember most prominent is constantly fighting with my brother.  I honestly do not know how my mother put up with the two of us sometimes.  I guess we owe her a big apology for being such pains in her ass.  

I have many memories of Jeremy and myself.  When you're young, and your parents work full time, you become best friends with your brother or sister.  You may not always love that person, but no matter what, you have someone to play with 24/7.  

I was a little over three years old when my parents brought my brother home from the hospital.  I don't remember if I was thrilled to have a new sibling, but I do know I was not excited about the name they gave him.  I can still remember telling my mom that Jeremy was such a weird name.  Who had ever met a person named Jeremy?  Of course as I got older, I met many boys and men named Jeremy, and I learned to love my brother and his name.  

Growing up, Jeremy and I weren't super close.  We had our own interests.  I enjoyed staying in my room, watching TV and reading.  Jeremy was always out playing sports with his friends.  We would occasionally play with each other, but it would usually end in fighting.  I remember one time in third grade and I had just gotten my retainers.  My orthodontist said I should go home and read a book aloud to practice speaking with the retainers in.  I thought I would read a book to Jeremy.  This ended with me in tears because Jeremy broke one of my headbands.  

That wasn't the only time we had an issue.  Jeremy and I always argued.  If I said one thing, he would say the opposite.  He also thought he was older than me.  This meant that he would try and make me do things for him.  He also had this idea where everything he said was correct, and everything I said was incorrect.  

Jeremy also takes after my dad.  They both love to talk.  Jeremy can go on for hours and hours about nothing.  He enjoys entertaining people.  When he was younger, he would always try to do impressions and make jokes.  We would always tell him that he should be a comedian when he grew up.  I guess over the years I learned how to deal with his constant chatter.  I remember one time I had a friend over.  Jeremy was going on and on about Tortilla scoop chips, and how much he loved them.  My friend was getting so annoyed by his constant talk.  I thought he was pretty amusing, being able to talk about chips for ten minutes.  How many other people can do that?  He definitely has a way with words.  

If you asked me what my number one memory would be of Jeremy and I, my answer would be when he spilled gas all over me.  I want to say I was seven years old, and Jeremy was probably four or five.  We were down in Florida visiting our grandparents.  This was when Grandma Helen still had her very old Mercedes.  One day, we all stopped to get gas.  Jeremy and I decided we wanted to pump the gas.  You know, we were little Jersey kids who never got to pump our own gas.  I was wearing my favorite shirt that day.  It was a white shirt, and in the middle there was a blue square, and a pink heart was inside the square.  I received it for a recent birthday, and I thought I would have it forever.  So my brother and I get out of the car with my mom, we open the gas tank, get the gas started, and put the pump into the tank.  After Jeremy had his turn, he took the pump out of the tank, while STILL holding the "go" button.  The next thing I know, there is Diesel gas all over me: my hair, my shirt, my shorts.  I was drenched.  And I smelled really bad.  Luckily we had another shirt with us that I could change into.  My mom must have washed my shirt hundreds of times, but I couldn't get the smell of Diesel out of my shirt.  This story still cracks my brother and I up when we discuss it. 

Growing up, our parents worked constantly.  I felt like Jeremy and I entertained each other often.  Especially at dinner time.  Jeremy was starting to really get into sports and it was all he could talk about.  During dinners, Jer would constantly quiz me about different sports.  He would name a team, and I would have to say what state they're from.  Or he would name a sport and a state, and I would have to name the team.  Sometimes he got really difficult and he would say players' names and I would have to guess what team they were from.  I think these little games helped me become somewhat interested in sports.  

I honestly thought that writing this entry would be easier, but that's proving to be false.  At the end of the summer I wrote a blog about my brother and me.  We have grown up a lot since our fighting days.  My brother and I may have fought a lot, but I know I would not be the person I am today without him.  I probably wouldn't even know what baseball is, never watch an episode of the Office, or enjoy rap music.  So on your birthday Jeremy, I want to say Happy Birthday, and thank you for being an amazing brother.  I love you and can't wait until you turn 21 in 365 days!!!!

IN IT TO END IT

This past weekend my mom and I walked in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer.  I walked a total of 30 miles and my mom walked the whole 39 miles.  It was quite an accomplishment for us.  When I first joined, I thought to myself that I didn't need to do the whole walk, just as long as I raised money.  Also I could use the training as a way to get in exercise and hopefully loose a few pounds.  Well, I didn't really do any training (I decided to have a social life instead).  I also managed to do most of the walk without too much whining or complaining.  And thank you to everyone who followed my Facebook updates, and sent me messages.  It made me feel really good knowing that you guys remembered the date of the walk, and were interested in how I was doing.  I am also proud to say that my mom and I signed up for next years walk, and we can't wait for it!


Doing the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer was magical, inspiring, emotional and a little tiring.  On Saturday October 16 we started bright and early at 6:45 AM.  After the semester I've been having, I am surprised I was able to function that early on a Saturday morning.  My mom woke me up at 5:30, and the first thing I did was blast some of Lea Michele's songs from Glee.  That got me hyped up, and I started dancing around my room, getting dressed.


We arrived at Pier 84 (the start and finish line) at around 6:30 AM.  There were so many people there!  I don't think I've ever seen so many women dressed in pink at once in my whole life.  4,000 women (and some men) from 46 different states came together that morning to walk in NYC and fight against Breast Cancer.  New York walkers raised a total of 9.5 MILLION dollars.  To all of you who donated to this cause, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart.  During the closing ceremonies we learned where all the money is going.  Below is the break down of what hospitals and programs are receiving money.  You should all feel chills as you read how much money goes to each place, and what the money goes towards.


Not only were the opening and closing ceremonies so emotional, but so was the walk.  We followed the Hudson River and walked up towards Harlem.  It was GORGEOUS!  If anyone is willing to wake up early enough, I highly suggest going for a walk along the Hudson River.  Even though you cannot see the sun rise, you can see the light shimmering off the building of NYC, NJ and the river.  It was so beautiful.  Next year I hope to have a good camera and take pictures.  The first 15 miles went by pretty quickly.  Your immersed in the heart of NYC, and surrounded by so many people.  My mom and I were chit-chatting the whole time, looking at the views, and learning about some parts of the city that we don't venture too.  There are also rest stops every two miles.  They usually have tons of food and provide us with water or gatorade.  There are also cheering stations cheering you on.  They have little songs that they will sing, give out stickers or cookies, and give you high fives.  They always pumped us up.


They gave us lunch at the 10 mile mark, so we ate at about 11 AM.  Yes it was a little early, but it was a nice break.  We could sit for about 20 minutes and relax.  Walkers also had friends and family members meet them at certain points.  They would sneak into a Starbucks or a Dunkin Donuts for a little break.  We did that with my Aunt and Uncle.  The caffeine was definitely needed.


As we continued on, we walked through the village.  This was probably one of the hardest parts for me. We walked up Bleeker Street, so not only were there hundreds of people walking around, but I also had to pass by my stores and couldn't go in!!!  I walked past 2 Marc Jacobs stores, Juicy and Steve Madden.  I was on the verge of tears when my mom told me I wasn't allowed to shop (I had her credit card too!)


I continued on with my mom over the Brooklyn Bridge, and then back over the Manhattan Bridge.  We walked through China Town and up through Kips Bay.  By the time we got to 60-something street I was slowing down.  My feet had horrible blisters, and I was exhausted.  My mom went on without me, and I went one more mile before stopping for the day.  24 miles complete in 9 and a half hours.  Even though it was a lot for me to do, I felt a little guilty for not finishing.  Next year I will do the whole 26 miles on day 1.


Day 2 was okay.  The city was much quieter in the morning, and people were walking a lot slower.  My mom and I got a late start, but caught up to everyone.  I didn't do the whole walk, but my mom did.  The second day wasn't as exciting.  I don't know if it was because we started late, or if it was because people were just tired.  It was still fun walking in the streets of NYC, knowing that every step we took was one step closer to the finish line.  It was great to see that Mile 13 marker, and see the finish line.  I also learned a lesson: have people bring me cold beer at the finish line.  Hundreds of walkers were sitting on the floor, beer bottles in their hands.  It looked so yummy.


During the walk, I kept thinking about if I wanted to do it again next year.  I would definitely raise money again, but did I actually want to do the walk again?  I enjoy sleeping in late, and I would prefer to walk with more friends, not just my mom.  In the end I decided to register for 2011, and not just because it was $10 cheaper, and I got a cool shirt.  I did it for many reasons.  It is so emotional to see all the women in their bright pink shirts that say survivor.  There were at least a hundred women who walked that had survived Breast Cancer.  To think about what they must have went through is scary.  And then to be able to come back and walk this intense walk, is amazing.  Also, along our walk, women in the streets were saying thank you and clapping   for us.  When was the last time you saw someone in the streets doing something pro-active, and you just went up tothem and said thank you or clapped for them?  Every time someone said that to me I wanted to give them a big hug.  Then there is the future for me and you.  Both my grandmothers had breast cancer, and I am sure we all know at least 5 women who have had breast cancer, have it now, or have passed away from it.  As you can see, I reregistered for the all the survivors in their bright pink shirts, for the women on the streets saying thank you to us, and for my future.  I know why I am walking next year, but why aren't you?


P.S. I will be after some of you to join me next year!!!

Young Survival Coalition received $85,000 to support efforts to educate the medical, research and breast cancer communities about the unique needs of breast cancer patients under the age of 40.  

God’s Love We Deliver received $200,000 to provide nutrition education and meals to breast cancer patients and their families. 

The Fund for Public Health New York received $80,000 to support a city-wide study to develop policy and program interventions to improve the quality of breast cancer care and access to services for medically underserved women. 

Roswell Park Alliance Foundation received $130,000 to study whether a specific antigen produced by triple negative breast cancer can be used to create therapies that reduce recurrence rates and improve outcomes in people with this aggressive type of cancer. 

Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center received $300,000 to develop a test panel of genes that can identify breast cancer patients at high risk for metastasis to help determine the aggressiveness of treatment needed.

The Avon Foundation Breast Cancer Center at New York Presbyterian-Columbia University Medical Center – one of eight Avon Breast Centers across the United States – received $1,020,000. The grant will continue to fund care for thousands of underserved women in a state-of-the art mammography center, and will support breast cancer research, clinical trials and imaging fellowships.  

Cancer Care received $1,125,000 to continue its support of the AvonCares program that provides direct financial assistance to more than 40,000 low-income breast cancer patients, reaching women and men in 85% of all U.S. counties and all 50 states. 

 The Avon Foundation Breast Health Outreach Program, the Avon Foundation’s hallmark national breast cancer education and screening program, received $6 million. This grant will support more than 125 community-based groups across the country that will navigate more than 125,000 people into mammography screening and clinical breast exams in 2011, and reach a half million people in outreach awareness efforts and educational encounters. 

Eight grants that further strengthen the Avon Safety Net program in the New York region were also awarded. Avon’s Safety Net currently funds more than 100 hospitals across the country to ensure that all women have access to quality breast cancer services and care, regardless of their insurance status or ability to pay. The grants included:

You Can Thrive Foundation received $70,000 to support access to holistic, complementary and alternative care for low income breast cancer patients. 

Breast Treatment Task Force received $80,000 for patient navigation services. 

Brookdale Hospital Medical Center received $90,000 for a patient navigation program targeting African American and Caribbean American women in Brooklyn. 

Northern Westchester Hospital received $110,000 to provide diagnostic and care navigation for Latina populations. 

Long Island Medical Foundation received $122,000 to support patient navigation in Nassau County. 

Newark Beth Israel Hospital received $125,000 to extend patient navigation in Newark. 

Metropolitan Hospital Center received $150,000 to provide coordinated breast health education, navigation and care in Harlem. 

Avon Safety Net Program at Bellevue Hospital, a program of the NYU Cancer Center and Bellevue Collaborative, received $275,000.

Happy Halloween

Before starting this blog entry, I want to just say that I am so glad everyone enjoyed the poem about teaching!  Every time I hear/read the poem, I get chills, and realize that all these annoying grad classes are eventually going to pay off.  

Now onto this wonderful holiday, Halloween.  I will be completely honest.  At the age of 23, Halloween scares the hell out of me.  Every time I walk into a store/restaurant that is set up for halloween, my heart starts to pound, my stomach goes upside down, and I have to keep my eyes on the ground.  This is the same for when I walk or drive past houses that are decorated scarily for halloween.  

Last year, my friends and I decided that we wanted to go to Salem on Halloween day.  We thought it would be a lot of people really dressed up, having fun and drinking.  Well that is partially how it was.  While the sun was still out, people were just walking around, having fun, and going on tours.  My Halloween anxiety wasn't too bad yet.  I got a little freaked looking at people with face masks or face painting, but I survived.  Then we went through the Haunted House.  This is the moment I lost it.  The clowns, the dark, the smoke, the people jumping out at you.  I still have nightmares about that clown following me around.  And of course once we got out of the Haunted House, the sun was down and random people were jumping into peoples faces, screaming.  I honestly didn't know where to look.  I couldn't decide if I should just close my eyes and have my friends lead me to where ever we were going, or if I should just keep searching for people jumping into faces, and then run away from them.  Luckily my friends were ready to leave Salem at that point because I was having a major freak out.  

The other night I was telling this story to my mom, and I found out that I have always been terrified of people in masks or face painting.  I remember being young and being terrified of clowns.  I honestly do not know how my parents got me to sit through the circus, or visit my grandma (she had clown dolls and statues ALL over her house, hence why I would never sleep over).  When my brother was three and i was 6, my parents took us to the circus.  My brother decided to get his face painted and my mom took me to watch.  All I remember is screaming and crying hysterically.  I still look at pictures of my brother with his face painted and get heart palpitations. 

I also found out why my parents waiting until I was about 10 years old to go to Disney World.  Apparently I couldn't look at people in body costumes.  At the age of 6, I freaked out when I went to a birthday party and there was a Barney there.  Now instead of feeling like a deprived child who had to wait FOREVER to go to Disney, I've realized that I couldn't handle the fun of Disney World.  

Thankfully, this October I am swamped with school work.  I will not have much time to go into Halloween decorated places.  I will also be going trick-or-treating with the kids I used to babysit.  Hopefully that won't be too terrifying for me!  And if anyone has suggestions as to how to not freak out so much during this month, please let me know.

Stressed

These past two weeks, I have been very stressed out with school work.  I have a mid-term tomorrow, and up until 5 minutes ago, I thought I was going to fail it.  On top of that, there is all my reading, lesson planning, observing, journals, as well as regular work.  Needless to say, I have been seriously considering running away.  The other day, as I was driving home from who knows where, I started thinking about a poem that one of my classmates gave me last spring.  This poem is what is getting me through this dreadful month.  For all you teachers out there, I hope you enjoy it!  And all those who believe that anyone can be a teacher, I hope you reconsider.  

What do teachers make?

The dinner guests were sitting around the table discussing life.   One man, a CEO, decided to explain the problem with education. He argued, "What's a kid going to learn from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?" To stress his point he said to another guest; "You're a teacher, Bonnie. Be honest. What do you make?"   Bonnie, who had a reputation for honesty and frankness replied, "You want to know what I make? (She paused for a second, then began...)   "Well, I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could. I make a C+ feel like the Congressional Medal of Honor winner.  I make kids sit through 40 minutes of class time when their parents can't make them sit for 5 without an I Pod, Game Cube, or movie rental.  You want to know what I make?" (She paused again and looked at each and every person at the table.)  I make kids wonder.  I make them question.  I make them apologize and mean it.  I make them have respect and take responsibility for their actions. I teach them to write and then I make them write.  Keyboarding isn't everything.  I make them read, read, read. I make them show all their work in math. They use their God given brain, not the man-made calculator.  I make my students from other countries learn everything they need to know about English while preserving their unique cultural identity.  I make my classroom a place where all my students feel safe.  I make my students stand, placing their hand over their heart to say the Pledge of Allegiance to the Flag, One Nation Under God, because we live in the United States of America.   Finally, I make them understand that if they use the gifts they were given, work hard, and follow their hearts, they can succeed in life.  (Bonnie paused one last time and then continued.)   "Then, when people try to judge me by what I make, with me knowing money isn't everything, I can hold my head up high and pay no attention because they are ignorant. You want to know what I make?  I MAKE A DIFFERENCE. What do you make Mr. CEO?"    His jaw dropped, he went silent.

I'll Be There For You (Because You're There For Me Too)

A few weeks ago I was sitting at dinner with my friend and her sister.  We were at a pizza restaurant and two tables over from us was a table full with a 10-year-old boys soccer team.  Needless to say, it was a little difficult to have a conversation without screaming across the table.  However, we did manage to talk about the friendships we have, and how hard it is to make friends outside of college. 

During high school, I never had many friends.  There were the regular girls that I would sit with during lunchtime, but they never seemed to invite me to do things on the weekend.  My school was also pretty small, and I knew everyone in my grade, and most of the students in the grades above and below me.  During my classes I would talk to different people, but we never spoke outside of school.  I did have one best friend from my high school, and we hung out a lot until she became an EMT.  Once she joined the EMT squad, she made friends with those people and began hanging out with them.  She would go to parties on the weekends, and do things after school.  That was fine, but she never invited me to hang out with them.  This ticked me off because I felt like I always tried to introduce my friends to other friends of mine.

Besides my one friend from my high school, I had other friends in different towns.  One girl that I went to preschool with was my red-headed best friend all through out high school.  I probably would not have gotten through those four years without her.  She is loud, obnoxious, and everything I am not.  I loved it.  She would introduce me to her friends from her school, told me all about her friends and relationships, and of course we went on crazy adventures together, and acted like five year olds.  To this day I still think of her more as a sister than a best friend (we fought like sisters too).  Besides this wonderful red-head, I had a few other friends that I would hang out with on weekends.  I am still good friends with these girls, and see them almost every week.

In college, I found it a little difficult to start making friends.  There were a lot of people from Rhode Island who had their friends at school with them.  This made me go through rush, desperate to find people not from Rhode Island, or people from Rhode Island who were willing to give up their high school friends for other people.  Little did I know, I would be meeting some of my very best friends.  I honestly don't remember how we all became friends, but I can honestly tell you that we are best friends, and distance does not stop us from seeing each other at least once a month.

After leaving URI, I wasn't really sure how to meet people and make new friends.  I started at Montclair right away, during the summer of 2009, and was so nervous.  I was not sure what to expect of it.  I went into the class hoping to make new friends right away.  I remember leaving after the first night a little upset that I didn't have anyone to walk back to my car with.  However, as we spent those 6 weeks together, I made a few amazing friends.  I don't see them much outside of school, but it's great having someone in my classes that I can complain to, or work with, or just ask questions.  I obviously underestimated the power of meeting people in graduate school.

Last year I was in a total of nine classes (including fall and spring).  I would make friends in class, and sometimes we became Facebook friends, or would text each other, but we never made plans to meet outside of class.  Then there was one girl who was in two of my classes.  Not going to lie, it took me a while to realize it was the same person, but I'm glad I started talking to her.  We found out that we live about 10 minutes from each other, and we decided to start car pooling to school.  Our friendship continued to grow as we studied for an exam together, and complained about one of our final projects.  We eventually bonded over the show Weeds, and watched three seasons together in a matter of days.  Her and I also do things.  We went to the Bronx Zoo, and apple and peach picking, kite flying and garage sale hunting.  I am excited to see what the rest of fall and winter will bring us!

I've been doing a lot of thinking about my friends.  I feel like I'm always super busy, and I try to make time for everyone, but sometimes it's hard to make an effort when my friends aren't making the same effort back.  I have realized that I can split my friends up into different categories.  

The Do-er: This friend enjoys doing things besides drinking and going to bars.  They enjoy exploring New Jersey and New York.  They like to see what events are going on, and then they actually go to them.  They also introduce you to their friends and family.  

The Informer: These friends will hang out with you at the mall, or at your house, or go out for a lunch or dinner.  They occasionally invite you out with their other friends, but mostly they just tell you about their lives.  They don't call or text often, only when they have some free time, or are home for a few days or weeks.  

The Party-er:  The party friend makes plans to go out to bars or just drink with you.  Sometimes it is fun to hang out with these people, but it gets old fast.  I get tired of having to babysit you when you're drunk every time we go out.  I would also like to know about your life, and talk to you about mine.  I am friends with you because I find you interesting, not because you know how to drink a lot of liquor.

The Planner: Last and not least, there are the friends who always talk about doing things with you, but then never go through with it.  I feel like I try to do different things with friends, and they always seem interested in it up until the last minute.  I can always expect a call or text from them the day or night before we're supposed to do something, saying they are actually busy the next day, and can't go out.  

Now that I have these four categories in my mind, I always try to think about which one I am with my friends.  I always try to be the Do-er.  I don't want to wake up one day saying "I wish I had done...".  I may be tired from school and work, but sleep is for when I'm snowed into my house.  Life is too short to not enjoy myself, and be with my friends.  And as for how to make new friends, we came to the conclusion that it is best to meet people through the friends we have.  There is a reason our friend is friends with this person, and we should give that person a chance.  I have also realized that I've stayed friends with those people who have introduced me to their friends, rather than keeping me away from them.